1 WEEK my friends, what an FLOATDEMIC as it has truly rescued my Adrenal Deficiency I have been slowly recovering from when I transitioned from my job to teaching.
The massive effects my system has been through is literally like being reborn each time I am in that Oasis of the tank (it is called oasis tank!). It feels like I am back in my mothers womb but its way less … Well … Not sure how to complete that thought, LOL!
Anyways it feels like each time I float and the music plays I don’t want to be pushed or taken away from ‘my mother’ as its incredibly nurturing and loving more then anything.
As I have had a daily or bi or Tri-daily mixed format 8-limb yoga practice for the last 6 months to 2 years… I needed more. I never have done ANY substances including weed or alcohol (unless matcha counts :P)?
The first week really was testing the external and internal waters, landscapes and horizons as I played with active intention and free-style floating (#FreeFloating). Once I felt aligned in the dynamics of floating I also had some incredible discussions with some fellow Guests and Co Workers at the House (I call them my House Mates!)
I’ve rarely had a strong community in my whole life besides the past few years and predominantly in the yoga/wellness/spiritual communities and now FLOATING too. I never HAD a MALE primary network of sensitive, loving and positive role models or mentors as well and this really affected me for most of my life. I became my OWN ‘shape shifting archetype’. I had to learn that after the loss of my Brother Zach and then Ruth my Grandmother (holocaust child survivor ‘0.01% rate) that I couldn’t rely or depend on ANYONE/ANYTHING/ANYWHERE.
I built a security blanket around myself in order to sensor and ensure I was a full authority with no other exceptions. I had to use manipulation in my childhood as a survivor and sympathetic response to just survive and feel content to the next day… Then the next breath let alone being present for the latter. I used to ruminate both in past and present and never felt content or at rest with what I HAD already COMPLETED!
Within just a MONTH and then this last week of daily FLOATING I have accomplished all the following things both on a personal and professional level/spectrum:
• I have come to ACCEPT my DEATH and the pure uncertainty of how much time my physical body vessel has in this lifetime and incarnation.
* I have feared deaths shadow and blood drenched and rust encrusted scythe my whole life ESP. With PTSD from Grief/Depression/Abandonment and consistent discrimination and at my younger years a lot of homophobia and alienation.
This is just ONE radically universal shift I have had in the first month of being 22 years young and old souled.
• I once just wanted a LTR BF. Now I know I want a Husband and Ring on my finger (doesn’t matter what kind.).
• I’ve always wanted a DOG, a welsh pembroke corgi but in all honesty never wanted to clean up after him or go through the puppy phase. I even contemplated stapling a BAG when I was a KID in order to save me the trouble #YouGotToBeKiddingHiiro!!!
* Not sure when however I know I missed out a lot on Chai who is still around now at 11 years (pure bred wheaten terrier with a big twerkin ass!) and I now have the awareness on how to take responsibility and be a devoted parent for my animal or therefore – my next epiphany.
• I always wasn’t fond of children and even doing a Rainbow Kids TT last year I wasn’t intending to offer the style. I didn’t want a family or kids and saw myself as the semi-committed Gunkle with as much responsibility I wanted on my own agenda. Me first so to speak. The only kids I liked were the ones like me who were old souls and could carry some kind of conversation and take care of their own bathroom stuff.
* Babies and kids and animals ALWAYS drew to my energy/aura and this envied all the female peers of mine whenever in elementary school. It was something I saw more for a stroking of my ego but nothing more… – UNTIL:
* When my aunt Bibi and uncle Michael had my now 6 1/2 Y/O cousin Aaron and now almost 1 year old Ava… I really subtlety knew I needed to be a GOD PARENT for them regardless what happened to M and B. I had family dinner (Shabbat) for the first time in 2 years with my moms family who all lives here and I just couldn’t be around them earlier as I needed to grow and self reflect and then reintegrate myself into the present which is now.
* Seeing Aaron extremely mature and articulate as an old soul for his age I always knew now special he was and my eyes are like hawks on him. Same for Ava and if anything happened to them or their parents I would be the first to immediately sweep in and rescue them. I have enough resources and community who would e able to help me give these kids a future that is worth living!
* This brings me to WANTING MY OWN kids and to continue the very faint BLOODLINE and Brotherhood of my current generation with just me now and Zach gone. I want my own “Little Hiiro!” Even if I didn’t surrogate a baby I would adopt a teenager and rise to that challenge that would potentially come.
+++ Lastly +++
• I feel for the first time I felt FREE, LIBERATED, out of the confinement of my BODY/MIND and skeleton.
• The last limb of Ashtanga is known as Samadhi and though my teachers say: “before enlightenment- chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment “Chop Wood and carry water!” — I really currently feel a state of bliss, tejasè (illumination.) in Anusara methodology.
– Yoga and FLOATING has saved my life and continues to brig me to places that I can’t Ben believe is a reality. It feels existential and profound and the fact I have words to articulate the above and previous posts.
I’m humbly awestruck and beside myself with honour and radical acceptance.
I can’t wait for the next three weeks of my 31 days of nothingness and I definitely WILL FLOAT DAILY nonstop until the universe rips me away from my Samadic womb.
I will write a book about these experiences and videos and documentaries for you’ve or podcast or some other format.
Thank you to EVERYONE. Especially to Andy and Mike Zaremba (founders of FLOAT HOUSE.)
Thank you Yoga, Float, Vancouver communities and ALL my Family both biological and spiritual custom based.
I am really finding my own TRUE IDENTITY
#FloatGasm #FloatAthon #GoWiththeFloat #FloatSational #TrueIdentity
NamasGay, Yours Queerly,
Floating Fashionisto YoGay Hiiro Prince!